Recently, my son and I began a unit study on chameleons.
Of course, a large component of studying chameleons is learning about their special characteristics, including, but not limited to their ability to change colors.
I asked my son why he thought chameleons would change colors. His answer was “to try to fit in”.
Long after we finished reading and talking about these fascinating reptiles, I’ve been struck by his answer:
To try to fit in
In a way, that simple statement mirrors my parenting and homeschooling attempts in the early years. I was so worried about being trying to fit in, that I would “change colors” depending on who I was with or what we were doing.
It didn’t take me long to realize how exhausting this changing of colors was, not just for me, but for my whole family. I longed to be at home with my family where I could just be me and not worry about what anyone thought.
When my dad passed away, very unexpectedly, about 15 years ago, I really started evaluating my life. I wrote a mission statement for my life. I set new goals and priorities in my life. In some ways, this was the beginning of my new life. I was done trying to be a chameleon. I wasn’t going to change my colors and try to fit in anymore.
Did this decision cause me to lose “friends”?
Yes, it did.
And it hurt. A lot.
But it also made me stronger.
It allowed me to take a long and hard look at the people and activities that I chose to surround myself with.
If someone doesn’t like the way I dress; that’s their problem and not mine.
If someone doesn’t approve of activities I allow my child to partake in; that’s their problem and not mine.
If someone doesn’t feel I’m doing enough to educate my children; that’s their problem and not mine.
This has not always been easy for me to accept.
I don’t take criticism well and I am(was) a people pleaser. I’ve learned to ignore the gossip and be true to myself.
Besides simplifying my life, it has given me insight into what my children are going through when dealing with friendships. I am able to understand their struggles and am quick to remind them that if they have to be a chameleon to please someone than they are better off without that person in their life.
This is so true for us too, as parents or homeschoolers. No longer being a chameleon has made me a better parent and more confident as a homeschooler. I’m able to focus on what is important to my children without the constant worry about what other people will think or say.
It is so important to know what your priorities are so it is easier to keep this focus.
My challenge for you is to write a mission statement that is specific to you.
Then focus on how to be the best you possible, realize when you’re being a chameleon and why, and try your best to make the changes necessary to quit. You will be so much happier and so will your children.
